Losing To the Sea
by cuethepulse-old
Summary: After Usopp's death, Nami has to cope with losing a friend and lover. But she's having a hard time finding comfort. Nami x Usopp. Deathfic.


Disclaimer: One Piece and its characters are not mine.

LOSING TO THE SEA – death of a warrior

**I. **

Nami had been the decided one, the one designated to throw Usopp's ashes over the railing of the ship and into the blue-green waves of the sea. She didn't feel qualified; she didn't understand what set her apart from any of the others who had been Straw Hat Pirates. All she'd done differently was kissed him – she'd gone farther than that a few times – and she'd sometimes said she loved him. She thought Luffy would be much more appropriate, since he had been the captain after all. But he pushed the urn back into her hands and looked at her seriously from under the rim of his hat.

"You do it, Nami. I think he would've wanted you to."

She held the urn in her hands and looked at the others in hesitation. Zoro nodded slightly, his face set in the casual yet solemn indifference he sported especially for funerals – yet he tended to lose it by the end. Sanji tried to offer her a smile of reassurance and a perhaps a quiet, comforting word, but he failed her for the first time in years. Robin simply produced an extra hand to rub her arm soothingly, and Chopper sniffled and looked back at her with watery eyes.

Nami took a deep breath and turned around, resigning to her assigned duty. She walked up to the railing and gingerly removed the top. She raised the urn a little, held it out over the water, and, with her eyes squeezed shut, turned it upside down and let her friend's remains fall into the sea.

**II. **

"Ne, Usopp, are you ticklish?"

He inched away from her, his eyes darting around to see if Zoro was nearby (not training or napping) for him to hide behind.

"No," he lied. "And I must warn you, I'm suffering from the if-I'm-touched-I'll-die disease. It's very sudden, you see, and—ah, Nami, don't!"

Nami grinned, feeling childish with the sun on her hair and the sand between her toes; she reached out again with wiggling fingers. Usopp squirmed and tried to run, but she chased and he tripped once and she had a good hold and she was laughing and he liked the sound of it and they fell, breathed hard through their noses as they giggled and got sand in their clothes.

**III. **

Luffy let her wear Hat on the way back home. She liked the way it shadowed most of her face, even though she figured everyone knew when she was crying. Sanji cooked for them every night until he was brought back to the Baratie, and it was almost like old times. He hovered around her, refilling her drink, trying to keep her comfortable, but he couldn't do the one thing she wanted most. He couldn't bring the sniper back, couldn't just ring the dinner bell and call him to the table to fight against Luffy and Chopper for the last cut of meat.

But she appreciated the way he tried to cheer her up. Especially on those moments when she noticed him with his back to the wall and his hand over his eyes. It touched her that he spent so much time fussing over her, when he was grieving just as much as she was. She told him that on his last night when they stood on the deck together, watching vaguely for shooting stars. He brought his cigarette away from his lips and blew a wisp of smoke away.

"Anything for you, Nami-san, as it's always been." He tilted his head back a little and smiled weakly. "I don't mind someone's sadness coming first, especially not yours. As long as it doesn't bother you."

"No." She shook her head. "It doesn't."

They stood in silence for a few minutes and she let him take her hand. Eventually, a single shooting star flew through the sky, over their heads.

"Are you going to make a wish, Nami-san?"

She tightened her grip on his hand.

"I don't think so."

He waited until he could feel her shaking, and then he squeezed her hand in return.

**IV. **

"So, who do you love?"

"Meat," was the automatic answer.

"Meat isn't a person, Luffy," Usopp sighed.

"Oh?" He paused. "Then, Hat."

"Oi—"

Nami rolled her eyes and turned the page of her newspaper.

"Well, what about you?" Luffy countered. "Who do you love?"

Nami's ears couldn't help but perk up in interest.

"Me? Why, Captain Usopp's heart only belongs to the sea."

"Liar."

"I am not."

"Liar."

"OI—"

They were getting nowhere. Nami didn't know why she bothered listening. Besides, she figured, if Usopp really did fancy anybody, it was probably Kaya. That was basically common knowledge. Still, there were times when their eyes would meet, or when he would grab her around the waist to pull her away from danger (or from someone she wanted to pummel), or when he would say her name a certain way, when she wonder—

"So, there's no girl you love?"

"Nope."

"A guy?"

"HELL NO!"

Well, there was always that possibility, too.

**V. **

Vivi couldn't make it to the funeral, but she called on the DenDenMushi and spoke to everyone. She gave Nami her most sincere condolences and said, "I know you cared for him so much."

"But—I never told you," Nami replied, a little taken back.

"I could tell. It's easier to see when you're in love yourself."

Nami smiled. After a long period of engagement, Vivi and Kohza had been married. Vivi was actually pregnant, and due in a few months. They talked about that for a while, but in the back of her mind Nami wondered just how obvious she had been, even then, when she hadn't been sure herself. She hadn't admitted to herself any sort of feelings for him until he'd left the crew, to return in a mask and a cape.

But she hadn't called it love then, because that was too sentimental and too deep, for them. It was chemistry, electricity, attraction, hormones—but not love. Not then.

**VI. **

"It's a bit cold out, isn't it?"

It was Nami's first night watch on their new ship, and Usopp was climbing up the lookout post to relieve her. She nodded in response to his question and, without moving from underneath her own blanket, scooted close and got under his, too. He didn't protest.

"You can go to bed now, Nami," he reminded her.

She elbowed him, playful.

"What, are you trying to get rid of me?"

"No, no, I—I didn't mean it like that."

He might have blushed, but she couldn't tell in the dark.

"It's different," he said, a few minutes later.

"I know," she agreed. "But it isn't bad."

"No. It isn't."

He sighed quietly. Nami rested her head on his shoulder in comfort, and after a bit, he leaned his own down against hers. He moved it back quickly, though, and stammered out "s-sorry about that" in apology. Nami lifted her head and looked at him, bit back the smirk she felt creeping onto her lips. He did his best not to look at her, but eventually cracked and she took the opportunity presented, and kissed him. His lips trembled against hers in a maidenly frightened way that only Usopp's could—and she imagined Sogeking's wouldn't. She was glad for that. They pulled away slowly, did it again. It felt nice. Different, but not bad.

**VII. **

Chopper sat in Nami's lap, the two of them seated on a chair overlooking the ocean. One by one, they snapped Usopp's rubber bands over the railing – every length, every width, every color – every now and then adding one of their favorite Usopp Lies or Usopp Phrases ("My if-I-go-into-this-cave-I'll-die disease is acting up again!" "Hey, have you ever heard of snails?" "My 8000 followers—").

Chopper sniffled a few times, but laughed and cheered each time his rubber band went further than Nami's. At some point, Zoro joined them, briefly. He reached into the bag and took out one of the blue ones, pulled back Nami's hair and secured it with the band. Then he took out a green one and snapped it, further than both of them. Nami and Chopper exchanged looks.

"Show off!"

**VIII. **

"Ah, shit—"

He hissed first, then laughed, a little breathless, against her neck. She arched her back and grinned at him as he got a better grip on her bare legs. He rocked into her, panting, and tried to close his eyes, but he couldn't pass up the visuals—the hardening of her nipples, the beads of sweat that rolled down both bodies, their joining (his shaft sliding in and out of her).

She pulled his face up to hers by the black curls of his head and kissed him hotly, lips moving over his, tongue seeking, devouring. He groaned against her mouth and finished soon, when her inner muscles tightened and clamped around him.

They slid to the floor of the storage room together, catching their breath before retrieving their clothes, lazily, sparing pauses to catch each other's eye and smile. She hugged him once they were dressed and kissed him lightly.

"Nami?" He held onto her arm when she stepped away. "I, uh, you have pretty eyes."

Nami paused, blinked at him in puzzlement.

"Thank you?"

"And your—hair is nice—and soft."

Nami quirked an eyebrow at him.

"What are you talking about?"

Usopp shrugged sheepishly.

"Eh well, Sanji was telling me that once you start getting serious with a woman, you should give her compliments so she stays, you know, interested." His voice faded towards the end of his explanation as Nami gave him a queer look. "What?"

"Do you really think that if I weren't interested, a little compliment would change my mind?"

"Err—maybe?"

She smirked at him, reached over and patted his cheek.

"I'm restless, Usopp."

"Nami, you are so beautiful!"

**IX. **

Nami was the last person who needed to be dropped off. She and Luffy and Zoro spent their last night together drinking over half the rum on the ship. They ran around on the deck, spinning, kicking up their feet, breathing heavily amid loud singing. She tripped over her own feet, fell flat on her back on the deck and raised her bottle.

"To Usopp!"

She turned the bottle upside down and the rum poured out onto her face and she closed her eyes as it flowered down her neck and over her clothes.

"No, Nami, you're supposed to pour it in the water!" Luffy laughed and stumbled over to the rail. "To Usopp!" He emptied the contents of his bottle into the sea.

"Either way, it's a waste of good rum!" Zoro grinned at them both and threw his head back, lifting his own bottle. "To Usopp!" He turned the bottle over and guzzled as much of the drink that fell into his open mouth.

Nami sat up slowly and ran a hand through her alcohol-soaked hair. She watched her two companions as they sang (badly) and fell (drunkenly) into each other. She looked away eventually and hugged herself, rubbing her hands up and down her arms, letting them find their own comfort in one another. She looked up at the sky and remembered the way Usopp would laugh after drinking too much before he passed out, and found a bit of her comfort there.

**X. **

"I'm not going with you! I'm not going anywhere, period!"

Nami stormed back and forth across her room, stuffing her clothes and coins and books into chests. Usopp followed, trying to take her by the hand or the arm or the shoulder, whatever, to make her stop and look at him.

"But Nami—why not? You've finished your maps, right? And Luffy's got at least _four _navigators now, so it isn't like he needs—"

"How _dare _you?!" She whirled around to face him, eyes narrowed and blazing with anger. "None of these navigators have the experience with Luffy that I do! And none of them are as good as me and you know it!"

"I didn't—"

"And that isn't what I meant by not going anywhere, idiot! I meant that I'm going home! I don't need to be a pirate anymore, and if I was then I'd much rather be with the Pirate King than with—with—"

He matched her glare then, his hands in fists at his sides. They stood apart, staring each other down in tense silence before Nami finally turned away to finish packing. Usopp stayed there a moment, reached into the pocket of his overalls to pull out a piece of sketch paper.

"Here then," he said bitterly, crumbling it and tossing it to the floor. "A parting gift."

She waited until he left, slamming the door behind him, to retrieve the paper and unfolded it to find a charcoal portrait of herself. She sighed brokenly and held the paper to her chest. Then, nodding decidedly, she stood and rushed to the door, flinging it open.

"Usopp!"

The sniper stopped, his back to her, shoulders tensed in anticipation.

"I don't want to be a pirate anymore. But—" She paused and smiled a little. "I wouldn't mind being a pirate captain's girl."

He turned then, saw sincerity in her eyes, and smiled back.

**XI. **

Nami "borrowed" one of Luffy's smaller ships to make a stop at Syrup Village before going home. The guards at the mansion let her in, joked that they wouldn't have recognized her had Kaya not kept their Wanted posters on her wall like cherished photographs.

Kaya met with her in the den, looking healthy and alive, and so pretty and young in her summer dress. Nami felt less like a girl just sitting across from her with her hands in the pockets of her denim shorts.

"Merry told me I should expect this, back when Usopp-san left with you all." Her voice was the only thing that betrayed her healthy appearance. It sounded too soft and too broken, the voice of a girl who had been crying for a long time. "But I'm glad he reached his dream. I know he would've been happier dying a pirate than living a home life on land."

Nami nodded, knowing all too well how true that statement was. She reached into the bag at her feet to take out the box of personal belongings she'd found in Usopp's cabin on his ship.

"It's a little strange," Kaya said when she accepted it. "I feel like I've been widowed or something."

Nami felt a sharp pang in her chest. She wanted to throw her hands up and shout, "_You _feel widowed? _You_? Do you have _any _idea?" But she tightened her jaw, held her tongue, watched Kaya's slender fingers caress the top of the box.

"I don't really know what's in there," Nami admitted, which earned her a look of curiosity and interest. "Most of his sketches are, I think, and maybe a logbook." She swallowed the lump in her throat. "But I figured you might like to have it."

"Thank you," Kaya nodded, and then paused for a moment. "You know, this might sound selfish, but I always hoped he would—come home—at least once—at least, for me, you know? I always really loved him, in a way."

Nami's chest tightened. She didn't want to stay there any longer. She felt deceitful, although she wasn't sure who she was betraying—Kaya, Usopp, or herself.

"He did too," Nami offered her, but quick to add, "in a way."

Kaya nodded, thanked her again, and minutes later, Nami walked out of the large house and found she could breathe properly again.

**XII. **

"Where is that little brat?!"

Nojiko, smirking, met Genzo at the door before he could even knock. He scowled at her.

"Where is she? She might've been able to get away with stealing books when she was a kid, but it's got to stop now!"

Nojiko chuckled and stepped back to let him inside.

"Here ya go," she said, handing him the cookbook Nami had swiped earlier. "No harm done. She wanted to cook for Usopp tonight."

Genzo's eyebrows shot up in surprise.

"Nami cooked?"

"Tried to," she corrected. "Why do you think they aren't in here eating?"

"Hm." Genzo flipped through the book, making sure all the pages were intact. "So where are they?"

"In the groves. Dancing."

Genzo almost choked.

Nami's skirt flared around her legs as she moved, sometimes ensnaring on a branch or sticking between her thighs. She had already lost one shoe and they hadn't bothered stopping to pick it up, but she didn't care. The moonlight through the trees sent shadows on the ground, made their faces glow like deities, and everything smelled like tangerines. His hands were hot against hers. His lips were full and she kissed him, as best she could while they danced. He laughed and twirled her—though watching her spin made him dizzy—but he didn't try to dip her because he was almost certain he would drop her and they would fall together and he didn't want to stop this dancing with her, not yet.

He was leaving tomorrow for the Grand Line. He'd been pirating for close to five months, building up his crew and his bounty, and they were ready for more now.

"Nami," he started quietly, lying next to her on the cool grass, "you know, you still could—"

She waved her hand dismissively, cutting him off. He smiled slightly and held that hand, rubbed his thumb over her palm and kissed it.

"I'll come back."

She turned to her head to look at him and nodded.

"I'll be here."

Usopp swallowed hard. He didn't want to leave her. She tugged at his nose, making him yelp.

"Stop all of this serious crap! I'll find ways to keep myself busy, so I won't miss you at all!" She jibed with a grin before rolling on top of him and enjoying his blush. "Don't worry about it."

"Ok, ok. Just one thing before we—" He paused as his blush deepened and she snickered. "Anyway, I—I love you, Nami."

"Dummy."

He closed his eyes as she kissed him, held her close around her waist, and let himself stop thinking so much while she undressed him. He almost didn't even catch it when she brought her mouth to his ear and whispered, "I love you, too."

**XIII. **

Nojiko was waiting for her at the beach of their home island. They walked down the shore together, barefoot.

"You gonna be all right?"

"Of course."

"Of course."

Nami stepped a bit further into the water, letting the tide roll over her feet.

"Maybe—if I had gone with him—" She stopped.

"Nami, don't."

"But—"

"Don't. It wasn't your fault. It wasn't anyone's fault. It's just what happens. People die. And the living continue to live. Usopp knew that when he left—and you did, too."

Nami's shoulders shook with suppressed sobs. The water rose to her ankles and she wondered, vaguely, if any of his ashes were there, mixed with the seaweed and the salt, brushing against her skin, kissing it, in comfort. She closed her eyes and smiled at the thought as tears dripped off her chin, and she felt a little bit better.


End file.
